Trans Fat Free Island

Well those jokers who identify themselves as the South Padre Island Board of Aldermen (and gals) are at it again according to inside information.

On Wednesday night the hot topic of discussion was whether to designate the Island a “Trans Fat Free” borough. Extraordinarily pressing issue.

I don’t know what the motive is behind this ridiculous waste of time, but I can just see it now, undercover City investigators showing up at the Palmetto, Jesses, the Seraton with sample kits….maybe a SWAT team, headed up by Dewey Dickwell busting into kitchens to make sure they only use cholesterol free oil. No manteca here folks.

Talk about micro-managerial. These guys really crack me up....

But wait....maybe I got it wrong, maybe they mean fat free transients? What are they gonna do, weigh everyone coming over the bridge? Pepper them with 20 questions "excuse me sir, but do you live on the island?", "when was the last time you consumed Mexican food?".....

Or perhaps they mean endomorphic transvestites? Seems a little more plausible, keeping in line with the Islands sense of tolerence for "alternative" lifestyles. Maybe they need to check each and every cross dresser for the proper amount of body fat? Don't want any fat queens ugly-fying the landscape.

.....OK so here's what I'm gonna do littleman. I'm gonna head over to the Radisson and start out with a couple of king sized shrimp cocktails, followed up by a great big goddamn 48 ounce porterhouse steak fer Chrissake, never mind the friggin shrubbery, just bring me some greasy onion rings, that'll suffice for veggies. I'm gonna tell the management that I'm doing it to honor these jerkoffs new silly assed resolution.

Hell, if they really wanted to trim the fat they'd get rid of do nothing douchebags like Dewey Dickweed and Cate Ballsack....